Imagine me Zen

For the past few weeks, when I apply any self-reflection, my life feels as if a person has thrown a basket of silverware, high into the air, with the hope that it is all going to land perfectly in place on a swanky table setting. Nearly every aspect of my life is up-in-the-air. It feels chaotic and I struggle to feel grounded. 

Chaos Theory

Ever since I can remember, I have been intrigued by chaos theory. According to www.thefractalfoundation.org, chaos theory is the ''science of surprises, of the nonlinear and the unpredictable.'' They go on to say that by ''recognizing the chaotic, fractal nature of our world can give us new insight, power, and wisdom.'' I, for one, could use more wisdom, personal power, and insight. The part of chaos theory that I am most interested in is often referred to as the Butterfly Effect. Basically, this is the idea that a butterfly can cause a hurricane in China, by flapping its wings in New Mexico. Sure, it may take a long time, but even an seemingly insignificant gesture has the power to alter the course of history. 

This theory affects me in multiple ways. It causes me to want to live a more deliberate, mindful life, so I can decrease, if not eliminate the Hurricanes that I cause in others lives. It also allows me to see chaos as something beautiful, something with raw energy, and endless potential. It allows me to see my up-in-the-air-life with gratitude and hope. It gives me more control over what I have control and less desire to control the things that I cannot. 

Sure, my employment and housing in NYC are undetermined, despite making a conciences effort. However, recently my personal chaos has given me the opportunity to see some amazing cultural things in NYC, spend quality time with friends, go on adventures, meet interesting characters, practice self-reflection, fly to Utah to find my diploma, hang out with family, friends, and Tula, get the flu in a place where I have a mom to take care of me, see Utah at its greenest, attend the funeral of a beloved neighbor, and tomorrow I get to work at the hospital on call before returning to NYC. The more I lean into the chaos and discomfort, the better the outcome. 

But for now, picture me in a Zen-like state, please?